on Monday, March 21, 2005
This morning, at 2.45 am, 21/03/05, my papa finally lost his battle against late stage kidney cancer after 6 months.
He was a great person. I love him so much and it pains me to see him go. But it pains me even more to see him suffering in that hospital bed with failing organs, and on a morphine drip 24/7 that totally clouded his mind and made him quasi-comatose during his final hours.
A wonderful father, husband, brother, uncle, etc. A great friend. An exemplary worker. We all who know my papa will forever miss him so for we all are losing a very important person in our lives.
Indeed I am saddened at this loss but instead of looking at the glass as half empty, and lamenting the fact that I did not get to spend the rest of my days caring for my papa, sharing my life with him and so on, I will look at the glass as half full. This past 18 years of my life with papa, I can look back now, and say with all conviction, it was a great experience.
A wake is being held now, at Ubi Road 4 Teochew Funeral Parlour Hall 3. The funeral will be on this coming Friday. A Good Friday, indeed. If u want to, contact me at 90060245.
I mourn.
yk ranted at 10:47 am!
on Thursday, March 17, 2005
life sux but pray for it.
im really going thru so much shit now, i wonder if i can cope.
im booking in tmr. wow thats nice.
but i honestly prefer army now no matter how badly it sux.
keeps my mind off things.
when i book out, properly, next time, hope to see great friends again and watch great movies with sk again.
and i will continue praying. btw, thx fatty for that help last nite =)
love yall, appreciate yall and i thank yall, my friends.
honestly, i wont know how much longer i'll last tho. its quite stressful.
ah fucks it. go off now, til thurs nite,
cya.
yk ranted at 5:38 pm!
on Monday, March 14, 2005
im booked out of camp now, and this is prolly a queer case of a book out i did not look forward to. u see, my dad's in a critical condition now and according to the docs, theres not much they can do except for alleviating pain. in other words. my father, whom i really love and is grateful to have, is dying.
u know what? that thought sucks.
please people, pray for a miracle. pray for him. i sincerely believe he does not deserve this fate. he has been such a nice fella for all his life, donating tons of money to charity, helping out friends and family in need, and having a compassion for all things living, even the tiniest animals. he is a great man, and i really wonder what i will be like without him around.
went to novena church today. heard from clara and one of my aunts that children praying there usually gets their prayers answered. perhaps i shall go again when im free.
a book out i hate, and a book in into a camp i hate also filled with fucked up sergeants in a fucked up platoon and fucked up section and fucked up island. life is just so fucked up for me now. i really need a good sleep.
fuck.
yk ranted at 8:40 pm!
on Tuesday, March 08, 2005
watched an interesting movie today with edwin n shimoan. watched sideways today. like finally man. haha shimoan doesnt want to watch that but he cannot komplain! cos its smthn me n ed have watned to watch and planned to watch 3 weeks ago! wahahas but u gotta admit it, it was not bad.
in fact, it was very good! strangely its another of those shows where u see contrasting character personas, throw in a different sort of plot, and u pretty much got a oscar nominated film. haha. dunno la. but i felt that the actors did not really suit the characters. the casting is all wrong in the show.
edwin says that george clooney auditioned for this show. i'd agree he'd be pretty good in this one. but idiot casters. bleah. spoilt the otherwise good show.
then went home after that lors. met up wif angline on e bus, sent her home, then reached home and watched gundam seed destiny.
what a cocked up episode 20 man. like, wtf!? its not even a recap episode. its a ULTRA recap episode of Gundam Seed. argh. as if i dont know the entire story. so dumb. so in the end only watched for the preview of the next episode. turns out shinn is going to save stellar and they are going to have some hot sex very soon. ha!
lame diao lah, spent the morning trying to apply scholarships but turns out they are quite headachy. what kind of spastic essay qns they give man, so difficult. maybe i sud just give up, since after all, overseas doesnt really seem that appealing now that i know that smu sends their students on overseas xchanges! and good students even get to go twice! and u get to go to the UK or US also! great!
wahahas. so there. army days are coming and im counting down to my mandatory 2 year prison sentence. u all have fun fellas. cheers!
yk ranted at 1:04 am!
on Sunday, March 06, 2005
what a little glimmer of sunshine of my overcast life. a lvl results! thank goodness i did not get 4 C's as my highly inaccurate dream prophecies prophecised. instead, its A A A C, gp A2, phys s merit.
p h e w
so fucking pissed tho, that econs got C. not even a B. so damned pissed off and im pretty sure mdm indra will kill me v soon. haha =P but seriously, im very disappointed with my econs grade. having such a wonderful teacher like mdm indra only to score such a fucked up grade, i really can bear myself to face her again lor. like seriously.
oh and the greatest irony of it all? i really do want to study econs at uni. and ditch sci and engineering permanently. and look at my grades! just perfectly suited for an engineering course.
bleah.
oh well, at least with gp A i can try for med or law sch. sounds like fun. money beckons. there is much money to be made. seriously. haha. oh well, i'll find out more tmr, at the career fair.
at the hospital tho, i was talking to the (patient next to my dad)'s son who is a econs grad. strongly reccomends me to go London School of Economics. hey i wanted to go there all along! good choice. anyhow, he strongly advises against studying pure economics for it is not a professional degree. no rice bowl. study something like accounting or finance over there but do econs for a few modules. alright. i will do that. once i can finance myself. ha!
sux la, still dunno if i sud just stay a smu, or venture to the UK, or just try out med law sch.
choices choices choices. sux. army beckons too. that sux much. oh goodness, help me fellas. and help me not just on choices and getting thru army, but also on how the heck to be a bloody person. hen3 nan2 zuo4 ren2 lor. its like this la, when u see a fren get presumably disappointing results, what the hell do u say to them!? esp when its known that u got a bloody slew of A's (thanx bro paul zzz -_-). when u say stuff like "not bad la, u did ok/well" u are perceived as xialan. say "that is bad." and u are a fucking haolian. and when u try to say things like, 'but there's always a way out right?' ppl say comeon u just aced it, what wud u know!?
fuck la. so damn sian. and i feel quite sad also la, for a few frens for i know for damned fucking sure that their grades are NO reflection of their true abilities. haix. like one fella la, get AABB for promo one. its so damned obvious he can do it one, just that during a's he kinda screwedup. zz la.
u know what, seab sux too. ha.
bah, i shall spend more time contemplating my future. take care fellas, choose hard the path u take, for this choice will affect our lives. choose wise, choose smart, and i wish u all success in whatever u decide to do. =)
cheers!
yk ranted at 1:09 am!
trance is my morphine. but perhaps its all useless. its all downhill.
on Wednesday, March 02, 2005
a week has passed since the update. im a lazy fucker. shoot me.
its confirmed. friday's results and im like so fucking screwed. if i dont get a single A i will really fucking jump fucking floor. and straight after that the next friday is the army day. u know what? im like totally fucked up. army fucking sucks.
dad's condition is worsening. so fucking worrying. im seriously fucking afraid that his battle against that fucker called cancer might be in vain. hes so damned weak now and lost so much weight, it just breaks my heart looking at him, panting when he freaking walks to the lift lobby. life fucking sucks.
and the main reason life sucks is army. why do i think army fucking sucks? cos it deprives me of 2 most important peoples in my life. friends and family. come to think of it, less than 24 hrs a week of seeing all of them. its just strange la. having all the time in the world now and yet in 2 fucking weeks time i will be imprisoned.
i hate leaving my life as i know it now and going to a fucking regimented one where my every move has to be commanded and words i speak end with a motherfucking 'sergeant'. or 'sir'. can i just add this before those words? 'fucking'
so damn pissed. perhaps vincent will be right, the 1st week of army will be fucking hell. but can it be more hellish than mine? losing sleep in tekong cos im just too damn worried abt my dad's condition. argh. fuck the army. can i defer? like seriously?
maybe i go drop 3 stories down and break a leg. PES C/E then and i get to go home everyday. much better. savage garden's right, u wont appreciate life or anything else until they're gone, or almost gone.
and to reiterate once again, i really appreciate everyone whom i know and whom i interact with. you all are the reason i live now and not jumped weeks ago. but the dynamics might all change come friday, the results day.
techno's my stimulant.
heavy metal's the anti psychotic.
im going mad with all these troubles inside of me.
let it all out.
let it all out.
l e t i t a l l o u t .
again, life sux. cheers.
yk ranted at 1:40 am!
the collaborators *
i cant be fucked linking!
the photographic evidence *
lies!
the incriminating evidence *
everlasting .
depression .
melodramatic .
ORANJELAIR
-yk